On minority status

There is a strong impulse in the childfree community to avoid adopting a minority label for ourselves. Comparisons to LGBT are frequent and often met hostilely. I understand that gut reaction- we are not subject to the routine violence of many minorities for instance, and our whole shtick is built around the words "by choice".

However, I don't share those misgivings. I believe that we are as much of a minority as any other.




Obviously numbers wise we qualify. Somewhere around 17 to 20% in the west so I hear, but that includes infertility. Numbers don't mean a great deal by themselves, but they do when they are a core part of someone's life. You might notice that applies more to parents than us which is why...

Politicians- the people who at least nominally run the world- barely stand a chance if they run without paying lip service to family friendly policies. I've never had the opportunity to vote for a family unfriendly politician. I doubt any of us have. As a result I have a lower income and worse working conditions than if I had a kid or two under my belt by now. It even affects living conditions- instead of guaranteed housing we're left to the wolves of private tenancy- a particular problem for me on a personal level. This is all fact.
Many in society will claim this is fair because... well you know what? I don't need to make their points. You've heard them, or you soon will. You're probably making the same excuses in your head anyway, as these excuses come just as frequently from the unchilded as they do from parents. I believe this to be internalised pronatalism. Again the concept is well known enough that it needs no great explanation, the childfree equivalent of internalised racism/sexism/homophobia.

And then there's those words we started out with. By Choice. That's where things get tricky. Yeah sure- it's a choice. Remember the gay marriage debates? Once of those smartarse things that dickheads like to pull out to make themselves look clever is the idea that homosexuals have the same rights as heterosexuals- anyone can choose to marry a person of the opposite sex. Technically technically they're right. But again: they're dickheads. It's quite monstrous to suggest that someone has a choice to do something that goes against their nature.
There is an unspoken divide amongst the childfree. There is camp "because" and camp "and". We separate when asked to complete the statement "I don't want children".

Camp Because has reasons. They have sat down and they have thought about having children and decided that it's not for them. Camp Because finishes the statement "I don't want children" with one of their carefully thought out reasons: I don't want children because I am concerned about the environment.
Camp Because can be often spotted saying how much they love kids, and many will drop off to wittingly or unwittingly become ammo for the you will change your mind bingo. Because (ha) people do change. Their reasons don't make sense to them any more which is of course both understandable and fine. The flip side of the coin is that the Camp Because who do stay on are usually the happiest to try and reason with parents. They're sort of our ambassador class. ;)

Camp And doesn't want children. They just don't want to have children, in the same way way a gay man doesn't want to fuck women. Camp And will finish the statement "I don't want children" either not at all or with a bonus: I don't want children and I am concerned about the environment.
Camp And will often be a little angry, a little weary, a little wary. Camp And will have to trot out arguments they don't really care about and still be invalidated at every turn because really all they want is to just... not have children.

There's no similar divide in the LGBT community. No trans man will ever seriously give as a reason for their status the idea that it's easier to have an inbuilt hose. The idea of reasons in the LGBT sphere is absurd. And yet, as a proud member of LGBT and Camp And the nature of both feels the same to me. I am attracted to every gender. I don't want children. Both are inseparably a part of me.

Reasons are expected in the childfree community. Why don't you want children? is a common refrain echoing through the halls of our online spaces. It's usually well meaning, and frequently the calls are coming from inside the house. Camp Because unwittingly dominates the conversation, to the point where I suspect that many of Camp And do not even realise their status as such, so persistent is the search for answers- for understanding.
I say to my fellow Camp Anders that it's okay. "I don't want children" is a complete sentence.

To all of us, however we got here, we are a minority. It's fine to recognise that, it doesn't take away from any other minority if we are one too. The insistence that we don't see ourselves as one is at best silly and at worst harmful for the most vulnerable members of our community.